I'm tired of things being un-okay. And I'm tired of people dying and being really sick. I'm just tired of it.

It makes me insane.

My grandpa Hoyt died at the age of 86 and he was a wonderful man. My glass-blower friend is still pretty sick (though I see him on sunday to do some glass-blowing with him). And oh by the way, my family forgot to mention that my Uncle has a massive stroke and almost DIED.

Gods it makes me crazy that they never bother to tell me important stuff like this. It's just obscene. If I had known about my Uncle's condition I could have called, visited, or sent a letter! But no, I feel awful that I haven't voiced my concerns to them because I didn't know anything was wrong. It's almost kind of ironic really. I was thinking about my Uncle a few days ago because apparently I've become some sort of table tennis master. I discovered this while playing with Alex and K-chan and his little brother over break. The only reason I can play though is because on my spring break a year or two ago I spent it with my Uncle and we played for at least an hour everyday and he taught me everything he knows about the sport.

My family is stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I had to call my dad to get his address to send him something and I realized I didn't have his number. So I had to go online and look up his bed and breakfast to call the land line there (the line people use to book stuff). Though, the point isn't that I finally found it after looking around. The point is that I don't have my own father's number and had to look it up on the internet. That's just pathetic. I'm tired of him being a practically non-existent father. Tired of it all.

My anti-depressants aren't working yet and that makes me tired of everything too. I want everything to be okay. I want everything to not feel like I'm falling apart. And I want to be happier. Grrrrrrr. I don't go back to see my doctor in about a month, so it's not as if there's anything I can do about it right now and it is just upsetting.

I swear, if you listen hard enough you'll hear my heart breaking.

~Enthsay


(p.s. On the bright side of all of this crappy stuff, tomorrow is my two-week anniversary with my girlfriend yay! <3)